Happy OctoberFest !

If your visiting from October Fest leave a comment so that I can come visit you too. If you choose to follow me leave a comment that you are following me so that I can follow you as well :) May you all have a blessed and great weekend with your friends and family !!!!! There are so many reasons why I LOVE the fall. To start off with I love it because of Halloween. Its one of my favorite holidays. Its a time of year where I can watch all my old time favorites to get in the Halloween spirit such as "The Nightmare Before Christmas", "Hocus Pocus","Beetlejuice" and "Casper".

Another reason why I like the fall is because of the weather. I like that it isn't too hot and it isn't too cold. The weather is just right. Its the perfect weather to go apple picking, pumpkin picking, and drink apple cidar.

I LOVE fall fashion especially boots, leggings, UGGS, scarves, and jackets......

SAVING the Best For LAST.... I love the fall because its snuggle time with the two people I love the MOST.....

Im one of those people.....

You know the one's that get all excited when their child does a "first" anything. Whether it be his first smile, his first time getting his picture taken, or his first shot (not something I want to remember) but you get the idea. This morning my son had his first taste of baby cereal ! The doctor gave us the okay to start it and I was super excited. I can just imagine how excited I will get for the many "first" that will follow: his first tooth, his first steps, or his first girlfriend *tear* lol. As he begins these "first" I realize he is becoming a little more independant, and he will need me less. As much as it is exciting I realize soon he will not be a baby for much longer. Its bitter sweet.... :)

"Secretly Pregnant"

As I was skimming through the On Demand channels I found this series called "Secretly Pregnant" and thought to myself "who on earth would hide their pregnancy." I decided to give it a try and see what the show was about. After watching two episodes I realized that the show wasn't about hiding your pregnancy, because your ashamed of it but hiding it because your scared what others might say. Each of these women were in situations that weren't the ideal situation to bring a child into for example one was unemployed, one was having a baby by a married man and already had a one year old with him, and another was scared what her father might think. While watching this show I realized that I too was nervous about the reaction of others when I was pregnant. I was worried about the "you're so young reactions" (mind you im 24), "what are you going to do?" (what every normal person who has a child does. Raise him or her and love them.), or the "you are? accompanied by a fake smile (the statement that says I'm not really happy for you, but I'll act like I am meanwhile I can clearly see through it). When I was pregnant I was so excited, but so worried what others would say even though I was with the father of my child for five years, had my own apartment, my own car, and we could support ourselves and a child. I kept this great news to myself for 3 months because I didn't want anyone to rain on my parade. But then I realized it really doesn't matter what others have to say why should I live up to anyone expectations but my own? Why did I find a deep need to please everyone and make myself unhappy? So I told everyone and some were super excited and some met me with the fake smile but those reactions didn't matter. I always wanted a big family, and if the finances are right I would like to have another child in a year or so. This time though I wont put so much emphasis on breaking the news to people, but more of an emphasis on enjoying my pregnancy.

4 Months Going On 18 Years Old....

In my previous post I stated that my son has been off his schedule and it's been a battle trying to put him back on his routine. This all started when he went to visit his Grandmother with his father and stood there for two days. Who knew that so much damage could be done in two days? Apparently so...He came back with his own little routine. He wanted to show me "Hey mom this is what I'm into now so follow my lead." He now stays up till 7 am and sleeps on and off till 5pm. I tried little by little to get him back to his old schedule of sleeping 8 hours straight like he used to....but to no avail. He's set in his ways of living the life of a teenager. Partying all night and sleeping all day. "Sleep" has pretty much packed its bags and went on vacation for me. So this morning I made a choice to start: Operation Get Frankie Back On Schedule. The whole day was spent trying to break the old routine, while fighting my own sleepiness. We did have 2 naps which I woke up several times in between, in a panic thinking "OMG how long have I been sleeping?" come to find out it had only been an hour. Its funny how things change from when you don't have a baby to now. When I was younger I would go to sleep and say "all I've slept was four hours and I'm still tired." Now I wake up with "wow that one hour nap was amazing, I feel like a whole new person." You definitely cherish sleep more...I'm sure things will get to how they were its just a matter of sticking it out. He's 4 months going on 18 years old....

4 Month Check Up

We took Frankie to get his four month check up and it went well. The only issue was the wait. Its pretty hard going to the doctor's with a baby and your schedule feedings around the appointment and you end up being seen way later than what you expected. At that point your child is starving and really not in the mood to be poked around at. Other than that he is now 24 and 1/2 inches tall and 14 pounds 6 Oz. He is in the 50th percentile in everything. His flat spot on his head is gone because of the Boppy noggin pillow I've been using and because I've been increasing his tummy time. At the last appointment the doctor was concerned about it and wanted to make us see a specialist if it didn't improve. It did improve by a lot and I'm happy with the progress. He received 3 shots, but handled them pretty well. We started him on infant tylenol as soon as we got home and he was back to his normal self. The doctor gave us the okay to start him on cereal, but she said we can wait to start him on solids if we want. I think I might start him on cereal in the next two weeks. His weight is good so we can wait if we want. She said after the cereal we can start him on vegetables, and then fruits. Its amazing how fast he's growing. I cant believe soon he will be starting on solids. The only issue that has been going on with him is this past week he's been waking up crying at the same time everyday, and is giving us a lot of trouble putting him back to sleep. Im not sure what the reason is for the sudden change in sleeping patterns. The only thing I can think of is him spending 2 days at his Grandparent's house with his dad. I was unable to go because I had asthma and was extremely sick. I think the sudden change in schedule over there has turned his whole sleeping routine upside down. Im not sure what else to do about it. He was on a pretty good schedule, but has gotten completely out of routine. I usually don't get any sleep as of late, but his father has been pretty good taking care of him while I get some rest. Hopefully he hopes on board with the schedule.

These moments......

My son has only been in the world for 15 weeks, and he's given my life so much meaning. There are times where I contemplate going back to work and a fear comes over me. I don't ever want to miss out on anything with my baby. Our days are usually spent playing, singing, reading, napping, feeding, and bath time. I cherish every time we have together. Every laugh, smile, and babble he makes, makes me feel if I go back to work will I miss out on this ? Who will he share these precious moments with? Will he wonder where I am? Is it all worth it? If I had a choice I wouldn't go back to work, but I will have to eventually because it's a large deal of stress that will be on my fiancee' financially. In my mind I don't think anyone will love my child more than me or take care of him better than me. Which is why it breaks my heart knowing that I will have to return to work. Before I had my son I would think why do mothers choose to stay at home? Does boredom ever strike? What is so great about staying home? Now that I have my son I can answer all those questions without hesitation. I just love the moments we share......

How do they do it?

Having a baby was great and I love being a Mommy. There are days though that I look at others that have children and the mother's look like run way models. How do they get the time to look so stunning when the majority of my time is spent dressing my son up and then Im like "now its my turn let me throw something together." I really applaud those mothers that look beautiful and put together just like their child. Im still learning how to come out the house not looking like I came from under a rock LOL j/k. I guess its about multi-tasking or making time for yourself. There's days that I just look at the mirror and Im grossed out. I think how can my Fiancee' even find me attractive anymore when I still have the baby weight, my hair is a mess, and Im wearing sweats. Then I think Its all a learning process. It's not as simple as it was when I was just taking care of me. Now its about balancing. Maybe in the future I will be one of those mothers that have it all put together. Maybe it's just a journey we all must go through.

My Favs !

When I did my registry it was one of the most exciting things ever. It let me know this is real and in no time my son Frankie would be using these things. I figured I'd let people (if anyone is actually out there reading) what my favorite things I got, and what I can't go without !

Favorite Things :)

1. Rock & play sleeper : it was great having this because I'm a worry wart so having my son sleep right next to me always made me feel better. He really enjoys this sleeper. It can be used as a bassinet, it's FDA approved to be used as one. Below is a picture of my son Frankie with his rock & play sleeper and his noggin pillow. You can find the Rock & play sleeper at Babies R us, Target, & the Walmart website.

2. Boppy noggin head rest support : when my son was two months old he had a flat spot so I did some research & started using it I wish I would have known about it sooner. It prevents flathead and you can use it in the rock and play sleeper, swing, bouncer, and car seat. I can honestly say it truly does it's job. If you read the reviews there's nothing but great feedback. Below I have a picture of it, and you can get it online at target.

3. The my little lamb swing : it was truly a God sent my son loves it and it plays a variety of music and has 3 different positions. I have few pictures of my son in it below. I got it at Babies R Us.

4. Boppy pillows : they are definitely handy. My son just loves lounging in it and I like using it for support when holding him. I have some pictures of Frankie in it below.

5. Halo sleep sac : this was a great investment. Like I said before I'm
A Huge worry wart. If your like me I was scared my son would take the cover and bring it to his face and not be able to breath or that he would take the cover off during the night. The halo sleeper took away all worries. It's a sac that you zip your baby in. It allows him/her the freedom to move around without being restricted like a swaddler. If your child is like my son and hates being swaddled this is the thing for u !!! Depending on the season they vary in thickness. It allows for easy access when changing pampers, and it let's their arms out so they still have that freedom to move around as much as they like. I didn't snap of my son in it because I'm just writing this blog now but I have a picture that I got from online I brought it from babies r us but you can also find it at Target :)

Those people....

There are parents out there who love their child before it's even born. Who cry when they know their child is in pain. The ones that worry all day and night when their child isn't acting like their normal selves. Parents who do everything and anything for their child. The ones that are there to support their child and fight for their child...and then there are the ones who don't. The ones who don't I will never understand them.....those people I have no respect for...the ones who bring children in this world to hurt them...I'm honestly at a lost for words when I think about "those people." I know a few of "those people". The closest one I know is my father. I don't hold it against him I'm way beyond that. It took me a while to get where I am now. My other siblings hate him. They hate how unloving he was with his own children, the mean things he would say to us just to hurt us, how life with him was a control game and we were the pieces, and how we were secondary to everyone else. I, on the other hand I choose to not let it entrap me. I do wish I had a good relationship with my father, but it no longer hurts me because I take all this love I can't give to him and I pour it all on my son. I won't let what happened to me reflect on what the relationship of my son will be like. Someone once told me "be the parent you always wanted to have for yourself, for your child." So I will never be one of "those people." I'm the person whose heart was full of love for a child I didn't even know yet but knew I loved. I'm the mother who cries when my son gets his shots or when he cries. The one who worries all the time because I love my child so dearly. I'm the mom who made a vow when I was younger that I would never be my father. That I will do anything and everything for my son. When I think of my dad I thank him...because he taught me how to never be "those people" like he was....

Marriage.....50 years later......

My Grandparents were almost together for 49 years until my grandmother passed away. I often wondered what made their marriage last so long? What was the secret to a long and happy marriage? Was it true happiness or just having that comfort? My grandparents were happy together. They never raised their voices, they got along with each other, and they understood each other. They had two very different personalities but somehow they made it work. When my grandmother passed away it seemed like my grandfather lost his best friend. He never slept apart from her and now her side of the bed was empty. I would like to know what makes a marriage successful? Is it picking your battles or is it compromising? Is it keeping everything bottled up inside or just keeping it real with the one you love? Does it ever get old and routine like? What to do when that happens? I ask these questions because I like most people would love to get married with the person I don't see my future without, but with everything in life before I make that huge leap I ask a million questions so that I can learn from others and apply it to my life. If anyone out there is reading give me your input I'd appreciate it.

Breast Cancer Awareness....

When I think of breast cancer I think about how my Grandmother's life was cut short, and how my son will never get to meet his Great-Grandmother. She battled breast cancer for 16 years. It went into remission but came back when I was 17. My grandmother passed away last year when I was 23. Its so sad how many mothers, sisters, aunts, mothers, grandmothers, cousins, and friends we all lose because of it. This evening I walked into my favorite pastry shop and saw these breast cancer awareness cupcakes, and thought of my Grandmother. I brought them, and I thought of her and hope maybe one day their will be a cure and we can get more years with the one's we love.

Halloween !

Halloween is right around the corner ! It's one of my favorite holidays even more so now that I have my son. I'm still questioning what kind of costume I want to get him. After being online day after day, and being indecisive I finally decided on my son being a shark. I ordered the costume, and wasn't too thrilled when I got it. The shark teeth were right above his eyes and it was a bunting costume. I was extremely disappointed so I started looking for another costume. Now I'm on the quest for a new costume ! I realized I wanted everything perfect for Frankie being that it was his first Holiday ! I want him to be able to look back & smile at all the millions of pictures I've taken. To me "first" anythings are important so I try to make them as special as possible. I cannot wait to take him trick or treating, which will probably only be for a half hour but I want him to experience it even If he's little. Below are a few pictures of my son Frankie's first Halloween pumpkin. I made a big deal about it but it's his first Jack-O-Latern :)

My New Addiction......

I have never really read any blogs before. Becoming a mother however has changed that greatly. It is truly amazing reading other people's blogs that can relate to ME ! Its like I opened an unlocked door to a new world. I read so many blogs that are from mother's just like me that have the same worries, the same struggles, and pretty much think the same. Some of the blogs I have read sound like I wrote them myself. Its absolutely amazing. There was this one blog that I read that a woman stated that there are days where so she does nothing at all and she ask herself at the end of the day "what did I really do today?" and she answers I took care of my child...I cleaned dirty diapers, fed my child, clean my child, and entertained my child. It made me realize that often times I do the same. I feel like the house is never clean enough, Im never perfect enough, or haven't done enough and that blog made me realize that I DO, do enough. Taking care of my son is ENOUGH and I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I also read in another blog where a woman wrote that she often feels as if she has lost a bit of herself. At times I think that too....where has the old Monet gone? Is she hidden? Has she gone on vacation from herself? A new person has taken her place....a person that puts her child before herself...a person that is no longer just about how she feels but about how her child feels...at times I miss the old Monet....her unstretched marked body, putting on a pair of jeans without the bulge that hangs over it, or feeling attractive...but then I realize I traded that all in for something worth so much more....my baby boy....and that's worth so much more than the outer appearance. I like to think that all those things are not important...to my son im perfect just the way I am and he accepts me just the way I am. And I don't know what's more important than that....

Fun With My Little One.

One of the best things in my opinion about being a Mommy is not only taking care of your baby and seeing how fast they grow but is capturing moments with pictures.  I have never been really a picture person like that. I would take photos if I was going out to put on facebook or to show my make up off. But other than that I never took millions of photos until I had my son Frankie. My whole facebook is filled with albums of my son.  It seems like every moment I want to capture with my Iphone.  The cool thing about that though is that I've gotten extremely creative in the last 3 months. I wanted to take my son to get his pictures professionally taken but I was nervous how he would act up and that I wouldn't be happy with the photos I got so creative that I decided to do my own photo shoot with a boppy pillow, a pillow, and a black sheet....and of course Frankie's cuteness.   Hope you guys enjoy because I had a great time taking photos of my little boy ! He was turning 3 months in these photos.

The Journey To Baby Frankie

The pregnancy journey wasn't at all what I expected. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed it and the ending product was my beautiful son but there's so many things that we as pregnant women must go through. Perhaps I was the only one that went through this or maybe there are a bunch of women that had similar feelings as I did about pregnancy....that something was going to go wrong. When I first found out I was pregnant I was nervous and excited. Nervous because I wondered if I was cut out to be a mother and I didn't quite know what to expect. I was excited because I have always known I wanted to be a mother. I would look at children with their mothers and say wow I cant wait for that to be me one day. You never truly know all the tests, worrying, and stress other pregnant women go through. They gave me so many test. Test I didn't even know existed or that I would have to go through. I did my research and knew what I was in store for. Every GYN visit was met with the same anxiety "I hope they don't tell me something is wrong." One visit that informed me that I had a mutated gene for cystic fibrosis and that my son had a 20 percent chance to have it if my fiancee' carried that gene as well. In the doctor's exact words "Your child will eventually have to have a lung transplant and life for children with that disease is hard but you will have to meet with the genetic counselor to get more info." At that particular moment between balling my eyes out and trying to understand what they were telling me I realized I loved my baby more than anything. I went through that week wait crying non stop and going internet crazy trying to find anything on cystic fibrosis. I went to the genetic counselor's appointment knowing statistics off the top of my head. I was prepared. They wanted me to do an amnio to see if the baby had the disease and I thought about it and said I was going to just put it in God's hands and I wasn't going to do the amnio. I would not interfere with his plan for me. I was prepared for whatever was in store for me. I loved my child and would accept him however he came. I tried to not stress myself out for a while if the thought came to my head I would brush it off. Of course the thought of something unexpected happening to him came across my head so I would always feel for fetal kicks obsessively. Fast forwarding to my delivery day.

My day started off regular but I noticed that I kept leaking discharge. Luckily I had an appointment that day so I could ask the doctor was it normal. I hated asking the doctor any type of concern because they always brushed it off with "oh that normal" and looked at me as if I had twenty heads for worrying about things. My doctor (who I will NEVER go to again) already labeled me as a complicated pregnancy because I went to the hospital because I had a stomach virus and cramping. Some doctor's make people feel stupid for going to the hospital when you are being nothing but a concerned first time parent. Anyway, I went to my doctor's appointment alarmed because I didn't know if I was leaking discharge or amniotic fluid. She gave me the brush off saying that if it was my water it would be a large gush a water and not a drip. Something still didn't sit right but I stood quiet and reassured myself she is a doctor so she must know what she is talking about. She told me if the leaking persisted to go to the hospital. That whole night I kept feeling a little leaking here and there but not enough to say oh that's my water. I just felt uneasy so I told my fiancee and we decided the next day to go to the hospital. We waited about 2 hours. In those two hours I saw a lot of women in full throttle labor and got scared. I said I'll opt to wait 3 additional weeks because at that time I was 37 weeks. I wanted my son to come early but women screaming and in actual labor scared me at that moment. It just became REAL. The doctor asked me what brought me there and I explained. She said it was probably nothing. She ran a test to see if it was discharge or amniotic fluid. My fiancee' asked me if I wanted to give birth today? My exact words were HELL NO I'll wait my 3 more weeks. The doctor came back with a smile I figured she was going to make me feel dumb by it being another false alarm. She said congrats your water broke you will be having your baby by tonight or early tomorrow. I swear it sounded like she was joking so she repeated herself. My fiancee then called everyone telling them the news and I stood there in shock. I didn't even have anything prepared. My mind was racing. They jump started me on pitocin and we waited. 35 hours later I wasn't even dilated a centimeter. I decided for myself that I was going to get a c-section. The doctor had told me I would have to wait another day or two and I thought to myself "what if my son goes into distress?" or "what if he gets an infection for having been exposed to bacteria because he was no longer being protected by his amniotic sac?"I told the doctors that I wanted a C-section. They tried to talk me out of it but I told them my reasons. They couldn't argue against them because at that point I was 35 hours with no sleep what strength would have to push him out? All the doctor's told me all the risk and my future mother in law, aunt, and fiancee were all telling me to "stick it out" for another day or two but my mother was on my side. I explained to them why I was doing it but at that point it didn't matter to me. I knew what was right for me at that moment. A nurse came in to get me "operation ready" and she looked at me and said you're making the right choice. It made me feel so much better because everyone was against my choice except my mother. Soon I was in the operating room and they tried to numb me from the waist down but the epidurals weren't working because it was put in wrong so I decided to be put to sleep. When I woke up I was freezing cold and shaking. They informed me the baby was fine and was be put into observation to make sure he didn't have an infection due to being exposed for a long period of time outside of the amniotic sac. I closed my eyes and was glad it was over . I awoke to my fiancee and future mother in law telling me how cute my son was and I was just relieved that he was okay. He was born on June 19th 2011 on father's day. I couldn't sleep the twelve hours I waited to see him. I was too excited. In that time the surgeon that performed my surgery came to see me and said that it was a good choice I had made the decision to have a c-section. He stated they could have given me pitocin till the cows came home I wasn't going to deliver my son vaginally. He said they had a record of my temperature and that it kept going up and that I was getting a fever. Had I gotten a fever the infection could of spread to the baby. He also said he was going to tell the doctor who didn't want to run the test to check if it was my amniotic sac something because that was extremely dumb on her part. I named my son Franklyn Lorenzo Jr. after his father , but I call him Frankie for short. He was born June 19th 2011 and was 6 pounds 10 ounces and 19 inches long. He was negative for cystic fibrosis and I thank God everyday for giving me a healthy boy. Through this whole experience I learned that go with your gut instinct if you don't feel comfortable say something because you know your body better than anyone.