Im one of those people.....

You know the one's that get all excited when their child does a "first" anything. Whether it be his first smile, his first time getting his picture taken, or his first shot (not something I want to remember) but you get the idea. This morning my son had his first taste of baby cereal ! The doctor gave us the okay to start it and I was super excited. I can just imagine how excited I will get for the many "first" that will follow: his first tooth, his first steps, or his first girlfriend *tear* lol. As he begins these "first" I realize he is becoming a little more independant, and he will need me less. As much as it is exciting I realize soon he will not be a baby for much longer. Its bitter sweet.... :)

These moments......

My son has only been in the world for 15 weeks, and he's given my life so much meaning. There are times where I contemplate going back to work and a fear comes over me. I don't ever want to miss out on anything with my baby. Our days are usually spent playing, singing, reading, napping, feeding, and bath time. I cherish every time we have together. Every laugh, smile, and babble he makes, makes me feel if I go back to work will I miss out on this ? Who will he share these precious moments with? Will he wonder where I am? Is it all worth it? If I had a choice I wouldn't go back to work, but I will have to eventually because it's a large deal of stress that will be on my fiancee' financially. In my mind I don't think anyone will love my child more than me or take care of him better than me. Which is why it breaks my heart knowing that I will have to return to work. Before I had my son I would think why do mothers choose to stay at home? Does boredom ever strike? What is so great about staying home? Now that I have my son I can answer all those questions without hesitation. I just love the moments we share......

How do they do it?

Having a baby was great and I love being a Mommy. There are days though that I look at others that have children and the mother's look like run way models. How do they get the time to look so stunning when the majority of my time is spent dressing my son up and then Im like "now its my turn let me throw something together." I really applaud those mothers that look beautiful and put together just like their child. Im still learning how to come out the house not looking like I came from under a rock LOL j/k. I guess its about multi-tasking or making time for yourself. There's days that I just look at the mirror and Im grossed out. I think how can my Fiancee' even find me attractive anymore when I still have the baby weight, my hair is a mess, and Im wearing sweats. Then I think Its all a learning process. It's not as simple as it was when I was just taking care of me. Now its about balancing. Maybe in the future I will be one of those mothers that have it all put together. Maybe it's just a journey we all must go through.

My New Addiction......

I have never really read any blogs before. Becoming a mother however has changed that greatly. It is truly amazing reading other people's blogs that can relate to ME ! Its like I opened an unlocked door to a new world. I read so many blogs that are from mother's just like me that have the same worries, the same struggles, and pretty much think the same. Some of the blogs I have read sound like I wrote them myself. Its absolutely amazing. There was this one blog that I read that a woman stated that there are days where so she does nothing at all and she ask herself at the end of the day "what did I really do today?" and she answers I took care of my child...I cleaned dirty diapers, fed my child, clean my child, and entertained my child. It made me realize that often times I do the same. I feel like the house is never clean enough, Im never perfect enough, or haven't done enough and that blog made me realize that I DO, do enough. Taking care of my son is ENOUGH and I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I also read in another blog where a woman wrote that she often feels as if she has lost a bit of herself. At times I think that too....where has the old Monet gone? Is she hidden? Has she gone on vacation from herself? A new person has taken her place....a person that puts her child before herself...a person that is no longer just about how she feels but about how her child feels...at times I miss the old Monet....her unstretched marked body, putting on a pair of jeans without the bulge that hangs over it, or feeling attractive...but then I realize I traded that all in for something worth so much more....my baby boy....and that's worth so much more than the outer appearance. I like to think that all those things are not important...to my son im perfect just the way I am and he accepts me just the way I am. And I don't know what's more important than that....