My Good-bye Letter To The Old Me

For as long as I remember I've held my heart on my sleeve. I've always been "sensitive" as others would put it. I have always put myself out there to end up disappointed. I'm far from perfect, but for some reason I've always put so much pressure on myself "your not good enough", "your not pretty enough", or "I'm not strong enough." i remember times looking at others and saying "why cant I be that person? I would give anything to be anybody but me." All these thoughts running through my head like a negative projector. Thoughts like this make it easy to fall prey to your own mind. It makes you a victim against yourself and starts a vicious cycle of "learned helplessness." It made it easy to feel sorry for myself or to say I can't control my circumstances. I'd coward away because I was too scared to deal with my problems head on. In return things only got worse. It ended me in bad relationships too afraid to move on, becoming easily discouraged, and not standing up for myself. It has caused me to lash out at others because of my own failures and weaknesses.

So I've decided I don't want to be that person anymore ! I don't want to hide. I don't want to be weak. I don't want to continue this cycle because of: MY SON. I want him to have confidence, I want him to be strong, I want him to not be afraid of anything, in other words I don't want him to be "me". I want him to know he can achieve anything, that I'll always be there, and that failure doesn't mean he's not good enough. In wanting all these things for him I realized who will teach him that if I, myself don't have those qualities? Which, is why I decided to write a good-bye letter to the old me. I will no longer play a victim to myself. Although my confidence is alot better from the years before I will believe in myself so my son can believe in himself. I will no longer be afraid to fail or coward away because I'm accustomed to it, but I will fight if not for me but for my son. Believe it or not children emulate what we are. I don't want my son to do that so I'm saying right here right now: Good-bye to the old me.