Simba...

Before I had my son there was Simba. Simba was my world & he was my first child before I actually had a child. He was a 4 pound little yorkie. He, is what I tell people was my first son. He slept by me, watched tv with me, & we played catch all the time. I constantly worried about Simba when I went away. And then Frankie came along. Simba's world went crashing down and we kind of drifted apart. He didn't want anything to do with me and kept his distance. I don't think people will actually "get" what it's Like to treat your dog like your first child, and then when your have your actual child your dog, becomes just your dog. (Did I lose you?) Maybe it's not the same for everyone, but that's how it was for me. I suddenly became guilty that I didn't devote as much time to Simba, and how this new baby just invaded his "turf" sort of speak. I found myself getting ticked off at stuff he did before that didn't seem to bother but did now: like his excessive barking that would wake Frankie up. I just felt bad I missed how close we were...

Fast forward: this weekend my son spent it at his grandparent's house and me & Simba spent the weekend like old times. I played with him a lot more than I usually do, allowed him to sleep in my bed, and we cuddled. I missed that. I want more of that. When we came home our son was ecstatic to see Simba he kept yelling "baba" (that's his way of saying Simba) and Simba was happy to see him too. They truly have a understanding of one another now. They know each other's boundaries and it melts my heart to see how much they love each other now.

Mr. Clingy

My son never used to be the clingy type.  Most people would be amazed at how social he was, and how he went with anyone with a smile. Now? He's on me like white on rice. It doesn't bother me, but at times it can be overwhelming. Overwhelming when Im trying to make him lunch and he's grabbing my leg screaming for dear life all the while the fiancé says: "I tried but he doesn't want me he wants you" (great easy way out) *sigh*. I've tried ways to keep him entertained while I get things done but it doesn't seem to work. He wants to be right there with me. When I'm washing dishes he's propped up with a step stool and a spoon in one hand and is the happiest little boy ever.  Some might say he's spoiled but is wanting the reassurance and comfort from your mom considered "spoiled"? I know he won't be this way forever, and that one day I will truly miss his step stool days while I'm doing the dishes.

What are your thoughts do all children go through this phase?

Thoughts on having another child

I think wouldn't it be amazing to have another child so my son Frankie could have another sibling? To have someone that he will always be close with like me and my sister? To have a forever bond?

It seems great knowing that the second time around I'd be a pro. How I could pick out baby items with my eyes closed. What a breeze this second time would be. I wouldn't always second guess myself or listen to everyone's little silly pieces of advice I would simply/firmly say: "this is what works for me." I'd be confident the second time around. I wouldn't call the pediatrician a million times because I wasn't sure of something. The second time around I would just know.

Then I think about this wonderful routine we have now. Am I prepared to juggle two kids? Two of everything? Waking up every two-three hours ? As much as I would like another kid I've decided to wait. To enjoy my time with my son for the time being. Just the three of us. God willing in the future I'd love another child down the line, but right now I am content. I'm sure when that time comes it will be amazing,

Instagram overhaul

A Day In The Park.....

Today I dressed my son, packed his back pack, and headed out. We went to the park.  Now that he can walk its fun seeing how he acts at the park. Sometimes shy and sometimes overly excited.  Today he jumps out his stroller and takes off. Curious and excited.  He smiles at the other kids and tries to play with them. They ask "hey lady can he talk?" I say some words, but he's just learning. They smile at how eager he is and laugh with him. It melts my heart seeing how amazed he is by e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. He swings on the swing, we slide down the slide, and we play with his ball.  I chase him what feels like a kazillion times..."no no Frankie stay away from the puddles" , "Frankie that isn't our dog Simba come here", "Frankie we don't play with toys that aren't ours give that back." All in all we had a great day and I would love to have many more park days.

The Last....

The last ten pounds are the hardest to lose.  Its a fine line between almost there and giving up.  I've come a long way if I say so myself. But I find myself tired of all the dieting, tired of not being able to eat what I want, and feeling guilty whenever I cheat.  This is my honesty.  I no longer have the drive to want to lose the weight as I did when I first started. I wish I had that extra push just to get me past those last ten pounds. But then what? Maintaining...that seems like a drag.  Then I think why I started this whole journey. I was tired of looking in the mirror and tugging and pulling at the extra fat.  Figuring out ways to hide it. Tired of taking forever in a store to find something because nothing looked quite right....so here it is...my attempt to lose these last ten pounds and maintain it.

Frankie's 1st Birthday and Birthday Party.....

Although this post is quite delayed I figured I'd tell everyone what we did for my son's 1st birthday. The day of his birthday was spent low key...we went to our favorite place in the whole wide world...APPLEBEES....easy to please? YES! I think I might miss this stage of simple things pleasing him...He was so content and happy just sitting in his high chair staring at everyone and eating off of our plates.  It amazes me at how independent he's becoming. The staff at Applebees sang him happy birthday and it was shocked and over joyed ! Then we got him a small cake when we got home...but he fell asleep by that time.


His birthday party was June 23 rd.  The theme was "Yo Gabba Gabba" (his favorite). I was extremely stressed about how everything would come out. I never threw a party...let alone a kid's party.  I thought what if something goes wrong? what if no one shows up? what if the food sucks? Some minor things did go wrong but nothing I couldn't deal with....I did swear up and down that I would never throw another party and that next year we will just be going on a vacation...but turns out...I was wrong...I will most definitely be throwing another Birthday party because this time I know what to expect.  Everyone had a ball and I was very happy about that...people are still talking about how much fun they had at my son's birthday.  We got a "Yo Gabba Gabba" cake, I decorated the place really colorful because I wanted it to feel like "Gabba Land", had "Yo Gabba Gabba" games, gift bags, a magician, a clown, and the character MUNO (who my son recognized which made me feel like it was all worth it). Here are some pictures of his party !

Abandoned Blog

Hello abandoned blog...I know I haven't written in forever...truth of the matter is...I MISSED all my fellow bloggers that I read ! So much has happened in these last two months...where should I begin? well I have a 1 year old *tears* no longer a infant but what they call a "toddler." He pretty much gets into everything and wants to be involved in everything. This is pretty much a list of whats happened lately because I feel like I'm so far behind in whats been going on:

- Frankie jr. was baptized April 15th.
- He was a late crawler and started crawling at 11 months.
- He's cruising but is extremely scared to try and walk on his own.
- He says mama, dada, baba (which I assume he is trying to say simBA my dog) he says hi when he wants to, and bye when he wants to.
- He dances like there is no tomorrow.
- He recently had a "Yo Gabba Gabba" party and recognized MUNO. (will post pics soon)
- He has 7 teeth.
- He's drinking whole milk now (he gave of us a problem in the beginning but now he's on board) lol
- since he turned one he is extremely clingy (anyone else experience this phase?)

What's been going on with me?

- I lost 25 pounds these last 8 to lose are taking forever !
- I've been looking for a job but no luck in that department = /
- Planning a first birthday party was STRESSFUL so happy its over LOL

How has everyone been?

Frankie Jr's 1st Year.

From a day old to a year later. His journey through pictures.

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10 months !!

It's crazy how fast time is going by. I cannot believe my son is 10 months old. He's such a happy, sweet, amazing, and wonderful little boy to be around. He melts my heart every single day.

The happenings:

- Frankie says dada, mama, and papa. He once said Grandma and "hi baby" when he was repeating me. It wasn't that clear but he was definitely trying to say it :)

- He's so well behaved at restaurants, church, and let's other people hold him.

- He has six teeth ! [wowzers]

- He eats 4 baby foods a day and some table food I allow him to have ( mashed potatoes, chicken, fresh fruits, and veggies)

- He got baptized this month !

- He just started cruising (he's extremely lazy lol)

- He LOVES little girls that are babies or toddlers (he's quite a lady's man)

- He loves music and loves to dance [I like to think he got that from his momma] lol

- We are going to start Birthday Planning soon for his "Yo Gabba Gabba" themed party.

My son is truly my world. He's learning so many new things, and it's such a joy watching him grow up. I'm very much looking forward to seeing what else is in store for us !

My little boy

Sometimes I look at my son and I ask myself "what on earth did I do right to get such a wonderful little boy?" He's beautiful and perfect in my eyes. He puts all his trust in me. He trust me to guide him in a world he's never been before, to show him how to love so he can love others, and he trust me to care for him endlessly. He's opened my heart to something I've never felt before...an endless love, a love that feels like no other, a pure love. Sometimes I think how blessed I am
To wake up to a bright, smily, and curious little boy. I think how some people aren't so fortunate. And I pray for those people. I think about how much I want to teach my son, show him the world, hold his hand till he's a man, and smother him with kisses. Sometimes I feel like I'm failing because I want to give him more than I have...much much more. I lay awake wondering what the road holds...and I pray this moment last forever. Him snuggled next to me...me holding him...smelling his ever so soft hair...& reaching out to hold his little hand which will soon outgrow mine....

Love this quote !

As mothers we all tend to be hard on ourselves. Sometimes we feel that nothing we do is good enough because we want to give our children the world. We think sometimes they deserve more (even if we give them all we have and more). Hopefully the next time you feel that way you will read or think of this quote and it will make you feel a little better xoxo :)

Easter weekend

This Easter weekend was fun. I made the Easter cupcakes I was d.y.i.n.g to make. I also dyed some Easter eggs in honor of my son's first Easter !!! Brought back the memories of me being a kid again, but then those feelings felt a little too familiar when I saw that my eggs did not come out the way they looked on the box !!! Lol. I decided next year I'm using kool-aid for dye. They say it makes the colors
on the eggs looks brighter and darker.

Easter was spent with my side of the family. Although the only person missing was my Grandma. Holidays just really aren't the same without her. We had a good time though it made my Grandfather happy to see my son and spend time with him. My son loved opening his Easter basket (or should I say playing with the wrapping) lol.

This week will be extremely exciting for me. My son is being baptized on Sunday and I hope everything goes as planned. Tomorrow he has to take his baptism pictures so I hope he doesn't give us a hard time lol. I think it might ran this Sunday which will be a HUGE HUGE HUGE bummer because I wanted to get some nice outside baptism pictures of my son and also because I HATE the rain it just ruins my hair. Speaking of hair I tried a new hair style (sometimes you need a change and to step out your comfort zone). I Decided to have my hair curled to add some volume to it and I must say I LOVE this new look. I feel so glamourous. Hope all you fellow bloggers had a great Easter and hopefully an even better week !

Friday Letters

I've been seeing this on a few blogs lately so I figured I'd give it a try ! :)

Dear Easter,
I'm so happy you're almost here. I'm looking forward to dyeing eggs, making Easter cupcakes, and spending time with my family.

Dear Future Mother In Law,
Why are you so annoying ?! Get a life will ya??!! Lol

Dear diet,
Do you mind sitting on the back burner this weekend? I promise I'll be good all of next week !

Dear Express,
Why are the things in your store so cute and expensive. We have a love/hate relationship. But thank you for the amazing blouse, python skirt, necklace, and earrings I got from you.

Dear Aldo shoes,
You are so cute and painful at the same time. I know I'm gonna be in a lot of pain because of you guys for my son's baptism !

Dear man taking forever to walk like there aren't people behind you trying to get by,
Move your ass !

I now know why people do these letter they are so move fun! Have a safe and happy Easter everyone !

Monet :)

Here comes Peter Cotton Tail.

Today I took my son to see the Easter Bunny for the first time. The line was ridiculously long [we were on line for an hour]. I felt it was totally worth it though ! I met some awesome moms on the line and chit chatted. My son was very well behaved, and looked adorable in his Easter picture with the Easter bunny. We then went to TGI Fridays and then I brought Frankie some toys in Babies R Us. It was a great Sunday and I'm so happy to have spent it with my little family : ]

How was your weekend?

Fear...

Let's talk about fears. What scares you? Death? Spiders? Heights? Only a few things truly scare me. Death? Yes. Spiders? Buh ring it...I will kill a spider in a heart beat. Heights? Not at all I ride every roller coaster at six flags the higher the better. So what scares me something happening to my son AND DRIVING !

Yes, driving. Nothing scares me more in this world other than that. I don't even have my license because I hate getting behind the wheel. As soon as I get behind the wheel my hands get sweaty, my heart nearly pops out of my chest, and my anxiety kicks up full speed. I'm scared of getting into an accident, other drivers yelling at me, and making a dumb choice behind the wheel. I remember one time driving in a parking lot with my fiancé and I was supposed to pull in a parking spot (it was around 12 midnight and all the stores were closed) and instead of pressing the break I pressed the gas and jumped over the sidewalk and into a bush near a TD bank. The sprinklers came on and it was one of the scariest moments in my life. I took lessons, but once the lesson was over my self confidence went out the window because there weren't a extra set of breaks next to me to save me if I made the wrong move. I do badly wish I could get over this fear.

A license to me equals independence and freedom. Freedom to not rely on anyone for a ride. Independence so that just me and my son can hit the road instead of waiting for my fiancé who takes f.o.r.e.v.e.r to get ready. Its quite annoying.

So how do I plan on getting to reach my goal of hitting the road? Well first I need to start from the bottom up. Being that I lived in Nj I have to retake my permit test in New York, then I have to take driving lessons [im so petrified :/ ], and then after that I have to take my road test *takes deep breath*. All I'm focusing on right now is the freedom to just be able to drive.

So tell me what are your fears? How did you over come them id love to know :)

Easter Haul....

Easter. How I love this Holiday ! When I was younger this holiday was so exciting and magical. Dying eggs, dressing up Easter Sunday, and going to sleep early so the Easter bunny would come. I remember imagining a bunny hoping from house to house leaving baskets full of toys, candy, and other goodies. When I got older the holidays kind of lost their magical appeal. Now that I have my son I look forward to creating these new experiences for him and making them magical just as they seemed when I was younger.

Today I brought a bunch of things and made his Easter basket. Since he is young he can't have candy so I substituted with Gerber finger foods and snacks. I brought him bubbles, toy cars, chocolate bunnies (for me and the hubby) lol, plastic eggs, and egg dying kits. I hope everyone enjoys their Easter and I definitely want to make Easter cupcakes !

Crossroads....

Right now I'm in a crossroad. I'm not quite sure where my life is heading, and which road to take. I'm so confused. I love being a stay at home mom, but I don't quite know where to go from here. If you would had asked me last year what I'm doing with my life I would have told you finishing my degree in early childhood education. You ask me that now and I'd just give you a blank stare. At this point I don't know what I want and it's bothering me. Where is my calling in life? Anyone ever felt this way before?

Wordless Wednesday With My IPhone